Thursday, February 23, 2012
Why blog???
My OCD has been bothering me today. I know that I will have it forever, but I know that in the future it will no longer be this burden on my shoulders and instead a gnat buzzing around my head. I have made progress over this past year with the help of medicine and therapy... but still, when it does bother me, I feel like I can't endure another day of it. Yet somehow... I do. Sometimes when I'm afraid, I mean really afraid, I shake. Sometimes I even whisper Jesus' name while laying in my room at night. I feel like no one knows what I go through. I have no one to tell me it's going to be ok. That they have Violent Obsessions OCD too... but there isn't. At least not yet. I wish there was some kind of support group for it or something. I know I'm not the only one with this disorder... but sometimes I feel so alone. That's how I feel today- alone. So if you're somewhere out there reading this and you feel alone in your OCD, know that somewhere someone else knows what it's like to be you... and to be me.
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Dear Jessica: You are not alone. Some of my earliest obsessions were violent, and quite horrifying. I was washing dishes--a job I hated--looked at a knife and my younger sister and had the horrifying thought: What if I . . .? I was so horrified that I had thought such a thing, that I obsessed and obsessed. It was more than a dozen years before I knew I had OCD and that those thoughts were just my over-active brain mis-firing. Hang in there! I am beginning to find many people on the internet who are communicating about this disorder. Thank you for sharing.
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